How to Give Feedback That Actually Changes Behavior
We've all been there: you give feedback, the person nods, and nothing changes. Or worse—they become defensive, the relationship suffers, and the problem persists.
Effective feedback is a skill that separates good managers from great ones. Here's how to give feedback that actually lands.
Why Most Feedback Fails
It's too vague: "You need to be more proactive" gives no actionable guidance.
It's too late: Feedback delivered weeks after an event loses impact and context.
It focuses on personality, not behavior: "You're being difficult" attacks identity rather than addressing actions.
It lacks empathy: Feedback without understanding comes across as criticism, not coaching.
The SBI Framework
Use Situation-Behavior-Impact for clear, specific feedback:
Situation
Set the context. When and where did this happen?
"In yesterday's client meeting..."
Behavior
Describe the specific, observable action. What did you see or hear?
"...you interrupted the client three times while they were explaining their concerns."
Impact
Explain the effect. How did this behavior affect you, the team, or the outcome?
"The client seemed frustrated and shut down. We didn't get the full picture of their needs."
Making Feedback Actionable
After delivering SBI feedback, bridge to the future:
Ask questions: "What was going through your mind during that conversation?"
Collaborate on solutions: "How might you handle that differently next time?"
Offer support: "Would it help to practice active listening techniques before client calls?"
The Feedback Sandwich Is Dead
The old advice to wrap criticism in praise ("You're doing great! But this one thing is terrible. Keep up the good work!") undermines trust. People see through it and start ignoring your positive feedback entirely.
Instead, be direct and respectful. Adults can handle truth delivered with care.
Positive Feedback Matters Too
Don't only give corrective feedback. Catch people doing things right:
- Be specific: "The way you handled that objection was masterful—you acknowledged their concern before pivoting to the solution."
- Be timely: Share it right after you observe it.
- Be genuine: Only praise what truly deserves recognition.
Creating a Feedback Culture
The best teams give and receive feedback constantly. To build this culture:
The 24-Hour Rule
Give feedback within 24 hours when possible. Fresh feedback is more impactful and allows for faster course correction.
If you need time to process your emotions first, that's okay—but don't let too much time pass.
Remember
Feedback is a gift, even when it's hard to give or receive. The alternative—letting problems fester while people remain unaware—helps no one.
Your team deserves to know where they stand and how they can grow. That's what great leaders provide.
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